Friday, December 20, 2013

Mute Moments

I used to get upset when I felt like people weren't listening to me. But now I recognize that a lot of these moments are times when I can't speak. The words get stuck. I can't find the point in the flow of a conversation to spit them out. I'm effectively mute. I can't blame other people for not listening.

Part of this is brain wiring. It takes me longer to put the words together, to translate my wordless thoughts into sentences that can be spoken.

Another part is that the attention of my thoughts is often called in directions that others are not expecting. Sometimes this is good and I end up providing much appreciated insight. Sometimes it just makes it harder to be understood.

And when I'm tired, it's harder, just harder to let the words fall out of my mouth.

But self-knowledge and acceptance makes it easier to let go of the anger and to see that my difficulty speaking is not something that someone else is doing to me. It's just part of who I am.

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